In general my classmates said that my narrative was pretty good. They mentioned, however, that it is weird that the initiating event is only revealed at the end of my story. While criticizing some spelling and punctuation mistakes or word repetitions, they still concluded that they liked my story.
I know that Inge said I had to look at the punctuation in the direct speech again, so I looked the rules up in the Oxford Dictionary and they confirmed that I actually did it the right way. I don’t know what’s the problem and therefore didn’t change anything.
I know that Inge said I had to look at the punctuation in the direct speech again, so I looked the rules up in the Oxford Dictionary and they confirmed that I actually did it the right way. I don’t know what’s the problem and therefore didn’t change anything.
Final Version:
“My dear little Brownie, when you’re ready you will be one of the most important cameras ever built,” the inventor told the box on his table one bright morning while putting the last little pieces into place. Everything had to be finished by eleven o’clock, when the presentation was going to take place.
“You know, it all started almost 80 years ago, in the early 1820s, when two Frenchmen called Niepce and Daguerre took the first photograph with their Camera Obscura. People back then thought capturing an image was some kind of magic and even thought it was blasphemy to take photographs of humans - it was ridiculous,” the old man laughed.
“Another important man was a physicist, Arago, who held a famous speech in front of the Chamber of Deputies on behalf of photography. Of course, these early technologies couldn’t compete with ours. It took ages to take a photo because of the long exposure time, and they were overly expensive. This, however, was the reason why they were so precious…well, also because each of them was unique, and they were passed on from family member to family member. You will change this, my friend. You will change photography from a luxury to something available for everyone.”
One of the inventor’s colleagues entered the small room, “The presentation starts in half an hour. Will you be ready by then?”
“Of course. Thank you, John.”
When the young man closed the door behind himself, the inventor continued, “We have to fast forward a little, my dear, otherwise you won’t be ready for your big moment. So, where was I? Ah right, it was in the 1860s that photography was becoming more popular. The first professional photography studios were established and families started to have their photographs taken. In these pictures requisites and props were used because people needed something to lean on - the exposure time was still pretty long. Eventually, after a decade or so, photography became even more popular and was seen as some kind of art and even became equal to painting. Surrealist photography started with Atget who no longer focused solely on people but also buildings, squares, or only little parts of something bigger. But you know what? Only rich people and artists had access to cameras. You will change this. You will be the first commercial camera. Now let’s go and impress my boss.” With these words the old inventor took the first Brownie ever built and left the small room with the aim to present it to the world.
[422 words]
“You know, it all started almost 80 years ago, in the early 1820s, when two Frenchmen called Niepce and Daguerre took the first photograph with their Camera Obscura. People back then thought capturing an image was some kind of magic and even thought it was blasphemy to take photographs of humans - it was ridiculous,” the old man laughed.
“Another important man was a physicist, Arago, who held a famous speech in front of the Chamber of Deputies on behalf of photography. Of course, these early technologies couldn’t compete with ours. It took ages to take a photo because of the long exposure time, and they were overly expensive. This, however, was the reason why they were so precious…well, also because each of them was unique, and they were passed on from family member to family member. You will change this, my friend. You will change photography from a luxury to something available for everyone.”
One of the inventor’s colleagues entered the small room, “The presentation starts in half an hour. Will you be ready by then?”
“Of course. Thank you, John.”
When the young man closed the door behind himself, the inventor continued, “We have to fast forward a little, my dear, otherwise you won’t be ready for your big moment. So, where was I? Ah right, it was in the 1860s that photography was becoming more popular. The first professional photography studios were established and families started to have their photographs taken. In these pictures requisites and props were used because people needed something to lean on - the exposure time was still pretty long. Eventually, after a decade or so, photography became even more popular and was seen as some kind of art and even became equal to painting. Surrealist photography started with Atget who no longer focused solely on people but also buildings, squares, or only little parts of something bigger. But you know what? Only rich people and artists had access to cameras. You will change this. You will be the first commercial camera. Now let’s go and impress my boss.” With these words the old inventor took the first Brownie ever built and left the small room with the aim to present it to the world.
[422 words]
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